BLOG IN YOUR FACE

I have gotten this e-mail twice. Two slightly different versions, but nonetheless I have received it twice. I think it is very one sided and some things need to be cleared up on it. I happen to know someone who works at Best Buy. She didn’t want to be named here but this is her first guest post. Let me just tell you that this “person” that I know is a cute blond with big brown eyes and a pretty sweet engagement ring if I do say so myself…but she won’t be named here. This is the e-mail that has been going around:

And here is my very good “friend” responding to the e-mail:

“Parts of this are true, but others are not.  First, not all of our products have a restocking fee.  Just computers, cameras/camcorders, and GPS systems (and I know that Target has this too and more stores are starting on their electronics).  All of these items are supposed to have stickers with large letters that explain the restocking fee.  If a customer would come back to most of the stores that I have ever been too, and told us that they didn’t like the one they purchased, but would like to exchange it for something, then I would waive the restocking fee.  Obviously, I can’t speak for all stores, but it’s what my store does and so do some others that I’ve been too.  As for the 14 day return policy, we only have this on a few of our products, the same ones that have a restocking fee.  Mostly because many people along the way abused the return policy in one way or another and would just take the product on vacation, use it and then bring it back…like a camera for instance.  This caused us to go from a 30 day to a 14 return policy on some products.  As for the check, it is true that if you spend over $250 in cash or check and want to do a straight return, you will be issued a mail check that will take about a week to get. We don’t carry that kind of cash in store for obvious reasons. However, if you are just exchanging the product for something, that can all be taken care of right then and there, without having to wait for your money and then coming back into the store.”

I want to thank my guest poster. Maybe I will have to cook her dinner later. I just want everyone to know that there are two sides to every story and that most chain e-mails like this are pretty one-sided. Best Buy is a great company, but like every other corporation, they must have policies in place to protect themselves from consumers who take advantage of the system. Sometimes this affects honest consumers like the guy who apparently wrote this e-mail. If you appreciate the low prices at Best Buy, then I hope you can appreciate policies like this.

I know the entire blog-o-sphere is exploding with tributes to the late, great George Carlin, but I am going to follow suit anyway. A lot of people liked his classic acts such as “The 7 Words” and “Stuff.” His words about kindness, self care and humanitarianism were always my cup of tea. This, I must say was my favorite:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Recently I got an e-mail that read:

Read this and saw your comment on GirlRobot’s blog:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucac/20080611/cm_ucac/bushsamerica100percentalqaidafreesince2001

Pick it apart piece by piece in your next blog.  I’d be interested to hear your thoughts. 

A bit of background info:

One of my favorite blogs out there is GirlRobot and I was reading her Friday Linksthe other day when I came across yet another ridiculous Ann Coulter editorial…the one listed above in the e-mail. I must admit, I read through the article rather hastily, because well, I f%&king hate Ann Coulter. Ever since she wrote the book that contained a completely psychopathic bashing of the widows of the 9/11 attacks, I haven’t been able to take anything she says seriously. Watch this clip:

If it would not have been Ann Coulter writing that article, I would have said something along the lines of “I can’t say I agree with her, but I will admit that she makes some pretty good points.” Instead, I said something along the lines of “This chick hasn’t been admitted to the psych-ward yet? Or burned at the stake?” I am human, and when someone I don’t like writes or says something, I am probably not going to take it very seriously or I might completely discredit them before even reading what they have to say like some people I know tend to do.

So here is what I will do. I will attempt to “pick apart” the article all the while pretending that Crazy-Cold-Heartless-Manlike-Bitch (Ann Coulter) did not, in fact author it. I will attempt to address it as if my mother wrote it and I am simply sitting across the table discussing it with her.

My first thought: There is a huge difference between correlation and connection. So there has not been another terrorist attack on America since 2001. OK. Is that really a direct result of Bush’s foreign policy and this war we are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan? No. Maybe a little tiny bit, but no. You’ve got to hand it to the F.B.I. and C.I.A. They are the ones keeping our soil secure. For it to be said that we are “pinning down” this massive and worldwide terrorist organization with thousands and thousands of members could not possibly be an accurate statement. That is pretty strongly evidenced by the attacks in London, Madrid, Bali, etc. so it is not as if Al-Quida could not spare a handful of their members to attack America again. That kind of statement does not take into account lots of other factors, one of those factors being how incredibley long it takes to plan an attack of 9/11’s caliber: Between 1993’s attack and 2001’s attack there was an 8 and a half year time span! America’s borders are quite secure and not easy to penetrate and orchestrate that kind of attack. Is this because of one man, George Bush, and his war in Iraq? No…at least I don’t think so, anyway.

Which brings me to my next beef with this particular article. The Al-Quida that attacked us on September 11th is not the Al-Quida that we are fighting in Iraq. The Al-Quida that attacked us were:

- 15 Saudi Arabians
- 1 Egyptian
- 1 guy from Lebanon
- 2 guys from United Arab Emirates

So, once again, to say that we are “pinning down” the terrorists in Iraq…the ones that did not attack us in the first place…to me, is not the most profound of statements. I must speculate that the fact that we have not had another attack since 2001 is most likely not  because we are making our presence in Iraq of all places. Besides, if we go on thinking that just because we are fighting the War on Terror in the Middle East, then there are not Al-Quida cells left in the U.S., waiting…plotting…well then, I don’t think we learned very much from 9/11.

Next Point:

Look…I am just as American as the next guy…I am extremely proud of the men and women in Iraq and their progress in Sadr City and Basra…but let me just say this: As long as there are Curds, Shiites and Sunnis in Iraq who have been at each other’s throats for thousands of years, there is only so far that we can go to bring peace their way. WE…CANNOT…WIN…A…HOLY…WAR. We have brought down the tyranny that was Saddam Hussein. Praise George Bush and God Bless America for that. We have brought back democracy to a country in desperate need of it. Praise George Bush and God Bless America for that. We made absolutely sure that Iraq is not holding weapons of mass destruction. Praise George Bush and God Bless America for that. However, our presence in Iraq is now the primary cause of the ten-fold increase in suicide bombings post-invasion. It is time to hand over the military and security duties to the police and military of Iraq. It is time to step out and only offer assistance in the form of organizing diplomacy meetings between the three factions. It is time to step back and simply offer assistance and guidance to the new government and its leaders. It is time to stop spending 720 million dollars a day on a war that has stretched beyond what we came there to do.

Which brings me to my next point. The article justifies the fighting and violence in Iraq by comparing the death ratio between our troops and the city of Chicago. The article also suggests that us being in Iraq is keeping our country safe. To me, that is a contradiction. If terrorists have not attacked our country in nearly 7 years, yet 12,000 people in Chicago have died a violent death since then, wouldn’t our resources be better spent cleaning up our own country’s woes? I have said it before and I will say it again: Terrorism has, is and always will be a relatively small risk to American livelihood. There are so, SO, SO many other things that ail America’s well being. We have done our duty to the world in Iraq (too bad we were tricked into thinking it was all about Terrorism…but that’s a whole ‘nother blog) and it is time to begin withdrawal process and come on home.

Do I think Bush has been a horrible or even a BAD  president? No. Not really. Do I think he will go down as “one of America’s greatest presidents” as the article suggests? HARDLY! Not if he knew about the 9/11 attacks in advance and did not do more. Not if you remember things like the home foreclosure crisis, his lack of investment in renewable energy (yay gas prices!), his deregulation of corporations and big businesses, his tax cuts for the wealthy, horrible Hurricane Katrina response, invasion of privacy and disregard for the 1st amendment, no-bid Haliburton nonsense, ridiculous war propaganda and Valerie Wilson (er, Plame..er, whatever). Then you’ve got the spending spree…all the money that we have borrowed for the war, the economic stimulus package, the insane building of the 3 billion dollar border fence…all money borrowed from countries like China. And, no…it’s not like the 4th of July car sales where we get interest free financing. No, America can barely keep its head up just making the interest payments on 9 trillion dollars every year let alone start ACTUALLY paying that money back. When we owe people money, we lose power to them. Thanks in part to President Bush (who turned a Clinton surplus into a burnt hole in America’s pocket) we will see China as the only world super power within 25 to 30 years (just my prediction).

Am I saying that Al Gore or John Kerry could have done better? No. Probably Not.
A quick summary:

The article was not all wrong; it made some very good points that I just have to agree with. I was quick to judge it because a complete Bitch that I despise wrote it. I apologize for that.

I don’t think that Bush and his administration are complete f%#k ups. Not even close. I am simply one of the current 83% of Americans that is not happy. I have a right not to be happy. I have a right to feel like we can do better. That doesn’t make me any less full-blooded American. It is my constitutional right and I am so blessed to be able to express it. Ann Coulter shares that same right to call 9/11 widows “wenches” and “dumb broads” and “harpies.”

God Bless America. And God have mercy on her soul…

Am I the last person in the world to hear about this? Or maybe one of the first? This is about as far away from wireless Internet as one can get, but still I found it to be pretty cool!

CURRENT  (www.current.net) is an Internet service that runs through your power lines somehow or another. I find it fascinating. From what I can tell, the service is only available in Ohio for some reason. I thought Ohio was only good for losing college football championships, but I guess they redeemed themselves! You just plug in the special modem right into any outlet in your house and WAH-LA! You have broadband Internet!

You all have probably seen the commercial. The (mostly) naked chick swimming around in the underwater dreaminess of what we are to assume is the ocean. These beautiful blue beads and ribbons come up from all around her and exfoliate her naked body, make her skin look so smooth and healthy. We get caught up in the moment about how good those exfoliating pearls must feel on our skin in a hot shower. We imagine what it must be like to squirt that Olay Body Wash into our loofahs and wash ourselves down with those little “micro beads” and seaweed extract, cleaning our every pour…AH! So refreshing!

But, wait a second. Just what exactly are  those microbeads? Well, the other day I stumbled across an article and it explained just that. They are simply small chunks of everybody’s favorite Eco-friendly element: PLASTIC!!!!!

I’ve got to admit, the commercial and advertising leads us to believe that this product is marine friendly. It is almost as if Olay Body Wash Plus Spa Exfoliating Ribbons goes along harmoniously with coral reefs and crystal clear water. But, I will tell you one thing…if there were ever two things that do NOT go together like peas and carrots, it’s aquatic life and plastic.

If you don’t already know, plastic never biodegrades. In other words, EVERY…SINGLE…piece of plastic that has ever been made is with us here today. Sure, the sunlight tends to aid in the “breaking down” of plastic, especially plastic bags; but here it only breaks them down into microscopic pieces of plastic. If your Wal-Mart bag is in the landfill, after a couple of years it breaks down small enough to enter the water supply which leads to a creek somewhere, which leads to a small river somewhere, which leads to a lake or an ocean eventually.

With these microbeads in the body wash, it simply speeds up that process by going directly down your drain. These beads don’t need to break down! They are already small enough to make it through the sewage treatment plant with a breeze. Once plastic inevitably makes it to aquatic habitats, if it is a large piece it will choke, tangle, drown or accidentally get swallowed by a marine creature. If it makes it to the lakes and oceans in it’s microscopic form, it does the same damage, only slower. Microscopic plastic chunks get backed up in the digestive tracks and gills over time and spread to other tissues. This creates highly toxic levels in the marine life and eventually is enough to kill or asphyxiate some. From whatever death method, plastic is responsible for millions of sea creatures’ lives every year.

If you use plastic bags, please save them and bring them to your local grocery store or Wal-Mart and recycle them in receptacles like those pictured on the right. Even better, use paper and recycle it. EVEN FRICKING BETTER use canvas bags for all of your shopping needs. Jaci and I have decided that we will be giving canvas bags out at our wedding as favors for our guests.

If you can, recycle plastic containers and jugs. Heck, a lot of places are even recycling Styrofoam these days, believe it or not. If you use exfoliating beads in products like Olay Body Wash Plus Spa Exfoliating Ribbons or Clean and Clear Pore Cleanser or Dove Exfoliating Facial Cleanser, try using Burts Bees Deep Pore Scrub or Ives Apricot Scrub which contain peach stones and apricot kernels, respectively.

I heard somewhere that by 2048, most commercial fishing areas in the ENTIRE WORLD will be near or completely depleted of fish. That means almost all of our seafood beyond that time will come from seafood farms. You’ve just gotta love the taste of fresh fish born and raised in stainless steel tanks!

Come on, guys. Let the world powers do their part to stop illegal over-fishing. Do your part to stop polluting our waters with dangerous and deadly plastic. Plastic is a wonderful part of our economy, just like oil, rubber, steel, asphalt, concrete, iron, coal etc. But each come with their specific costs to the environment. I hope we can learn to use them all responsibly and respectfully. The next time you are doing things like scrubbing your nether regions with exfoliator or bagging your groceries, just stop to think about your impact.

Well, on their apparent quest to make a rainbow colored discography, Weezer is back in full stride with their latest album, “The Red Album.” Rivers Cuomo is keeping things interesting, sporting the ’stache and cowboy attire these days. In fact he kind of looks like that one guy from Saving Silverman. Every time my eyes fall upon the cover of the album I am reminded that my pituitary gland is still living in the late eighties and at the age of twenty-five I am still not able to grow anything that resembles facial hair. I can’t wait until I go through puberty someday so that I can start paying full price for meals at buffets and not get carded at PG-13 movies. Damn, I really wish I could grow a sweet handle bar moustache…or at least some wicked sideburns like Joe Mauer. That would be the good life. I swear my 6 year old nephew will probably have a Grizzly Adams beard before I am blessed with one  chin pube.

Ugh…sorry about yet another tangent of mine…

The Album! I will begin with the insert. Not only does it have all the lyrics to every song, it also has interviews with band members in the margins talking about each song and the meaning behind that song, or little tidbits of information about the history of the song, etc. Makes for a good read, especially if you are like me and opened the CD while you are taking care of business…ya know…takin’ the brown mules to the watering hole???

Moving on to the album itself. Some reviews I have read have called it “experimental.” I think I would have to disagree. “Experimental” to me always brings to mind things like:

a) Gnarles Barkley
b) The Postal Service 
c) Any kind of sex between 1967 and 1969
d) Stem Cells
e) Food that I cook that involves anything other than hot dogs.
f) LSD

No, I wouldn’t call The Red Album “experimental,” but I would say that it has quite a diversity of sounds and accents. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived,”  for example, includes variations on Southern-style Rap music but also busts out a a sound that is very similar to Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“Troublemaker” is the first track on the album and plays out in a tempo that almost seems like he wrote the lyrics in one 5 minute stream of  consciousness writing session. Other tracks include synthesizers, drums machines and even some baroque sounding interludes. Rivers doesn’t sing on all of the tracks either. He passes the mic off to the other band members and takes over their instruments in the mean time.

My other two favorite tracks are “The Angel and the One” which reminds me a lot of one of my all time favorite Weezer tracks, “Butterfly.”

Also, only available on the “deluxe” version of the album (included in one of the four bonus tracks) is a delightful little number called “Miss Sweeney” about a steamy inner-office sexual affair. The neat part is the use of the sitar pedal on this track that gives it that Indian (the country India, not Sacajawea) sort of sound. If and when I finally get an electric guitar, that pedal will hopefully be one of my first accessories after I slap the bumper sticker of some obscure punk band from the early nineties on there.

Overall, “The Red Album” is pretty stellar; it is kind of like a woman in red lipstick. Its sexy. Its risky. Its kind of dangerous. Its mysterious. It stands out.

That’s about all I have to say about that. I give it the Andy Stamp of Approval.

Thanks for reading my review. I am going to go put mascara on my moustache now.

I usually post late at night but this time it really works out in case I have any morning readers. This Egg McMuffin cost a quarter of what the Mickey D’s version will cost you and is much healthier. Shall we proceed?

First, take a tuna can that has been emptied and cleaned out of tuna and take both ends off of it so it is simply a round cylinder. Put it in the center of your frying pan and put a little butter or a bit of cooking spray at the bottom.

Put an egg or two in there and break up the yolk with a fork. Pour just a little bit of water on the outside of it to create a little mote on the outside of the hollowed out tuna can but inside the pan lip.

Let the egg harden and remove the tuna can “shell” and WAH-LA! You have a perfectly round egg thing to put in between an English muffin. Just add a slice of cheese and maybe some ham lunch meat or a Jimmy Dean sausage patty and you have yourself a pretty stellar breakfast.

Don’t have time to cook it on the stove? Maybe you are like me and you did not have a stove in college. No worries, just spray the inside of a coffee cup with cooking spray, break your egg into it and break the yolk again. Put a piece of plastic wrap over the top or a flip top sandwich bag and microwave for about 2 minutes. Let it cool for a second, take it out, dump it upside down on your English Muffin and you have pretty much the same thing as the stove-top version.

I got two Egg McMuffins and an orange juice at McDonald’s the other day and it cost me over 6 DOLLARS! I guarantee this is cheaper and tastes a whole heck of a lot more fresh. Thanks again for joining me for another episode of meals that even dumb-asses like myself can cook! Enjoy!!!

Lord have mercy on the folks in my home state of Iowa who are displaced and scared from the weather conditions as of late. Lord have mercy on my future brother in law who is working sun up to sun down for the Army National Guard. Lord have mercy on our leaders and help them to devise a way to make things better for our citizens. Lord have mercy on our farmers whose livelihood depends on the sunny skies of late June and July. Lord help the people of the midwest to have kind and open hearts and befriend their neighbors in times of need. And finally Lord, if you could…please spare Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City so that the Hawkeyes can have a good summer football camp. I put my trust and faith in you, Lord and I love you.

Andy

As you sit there and read this, slightly lift your right foot off the ground and rotate it in small circles clockwise. Now try to draw a six in mid-air with your right hand. I betcha can’t do it without changing the direction of your foot! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I would like to open up BLOGINYOURFACE.com to anyone who would like to submit a guest post to me about their personal belief on any political issue(s). I know I don’t have that many readers but if you would like to get any type of political rant off of your chest about any topic at all, I will post it to the site UNEDITED for all to see and comment on along with you blog URL for promotion purposes. Just e-mail it to me at ahubbard13@bloginyourface.com Here is one of my (few and far between) political rants: 

 I wrote a little piece on Global Warming below in the wake of one man’s quest to raise awareness by climbing the New York Times building. I basically just wanted to say how awesome I thought it was that someone has that kind of devotion to a cause, ANY CAUSE. I admire people that are that passionate about their beliefs. Well, I must say that as much as I tried to keep politics out of it and human perseverance as the main theme, I ended up kind of doing the opposite; that is,  judging by the couple of comments  that I received.

Here is my reaction to the most recent comment by my big Sis:

Let me start off with one figure which I will base my views on…$720,000,000. That is how much we spend on the war in Iraq right now EVERY…SINGLE…DAY. “The War On Terror…” Lets just say that we had that kind of money to spend elsewhere…

For instance, with that kind of money America could:

1) Pay 12,478 teachers a salary of 55,000 dollars a year.
2) Provide 163,000 people with a year’s worth of health insurance.
3) Put a roof over 6,482 familes’ head.
4) Build 18,000 windmills…cutting down on energy costs and emissions exponentially.
5) Build up to 8 community centers a day in areas where gang activity is getting out of control.
6) How far would 700-some-million dollars a day go in fighting the war on drugs?
7) How far would 700-some-million dollars a day go in researching cancer treatment, STD prevention, teen pregnancy prevention, property tax relief and recycling incentive programs (i.e.  paying  Americans to recycle)?
How far would 700-some-million dollars a day go in preparing for “The Big One” (San Andreas Earthquake) which is predicted to affect 20 million people (or more) on the west coast and leave them without food, shelter, electricity, water, communication and adequate law enforcement?
9) How far would 700-some-million dollars go in doing something about the 10,000 hand gun deaths in America each year (compared to just 12 in the UK)?
10) Pay for research and prevention of the 45,000 Americans that are killed in car accidents annually.
11) I could go on and on about problems on our own soil…

And on an international level? If we really want to be the world super hero, can you imagine what 700-some-million dollars would do for:

1) The 8500 people that die from AIDS every day.
2) The 5000 children that die from dirty water every day.
3) The nearly 4 million people worldwide that have died from starvation so far THIS YEAR!
4) The 30,000 some kids worldwide that are born with a cleft pallet every year. We could do nearly 2 million surgeries on cleft pallets a day with this kind of money.
5) The 50 to 100 million active land mines that are in 80 countries around the world today?
6) I could go on and on here, too…

You say:

“I see the terrorists in the Middle East as a much more dangerous threat than global warming”

The way I see it, terrorists in the United States and in the world are some of the least of what we should be worrying about. In fact, I will go as far as to say that we are brainwashed into thinking they are way more of an immediate and dangerous threat than they really are. If the world is going to shit and human existence is nearing an end, I can guarantee that in the end it will have absolutely or barely anything to do with a) fuel costs or b) Terrorism.

There is nothing we can or will EVER be able to do about terrorism. No matter how long we are in Iraq or any other Middle Eastern country, there are always going to be extremist Muslims (and terrorists of other denominations). If we think we can win a holy war we are insane! These people are fighting to the death because they don’t value their lives on this Earth! How do you defeat an enemy like that? You don’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fact: If someone on this Earth wants to harm someone else or a group of someone elses bad enough, they will find the means to do so. Their free will and our destiny to survive their wrath are both what God intends for. You say:

“If you truly believe that there is a God and he is watching out for you, then trust Him. He always knows what is best. Remember: fear is the opposite of faith.”

I could not agree with you more, Sis. But if that is the case, why do we fear terrorism so much? Why do we fear the inevitable and go to war over it, while ignoring so many other problems at home and around the world? PROBLEMS THAT WE CAN GET OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT!

If terrorists really want to inflict harm on us, they will find a way. Our faith in God is what will protect us, and if it does not protect us it will lead us to the heavenly kingdom in our unfortunate death. Most people that pray to God daily usually include something about protecting them and keeping them safe though, right? My opinion on the War on Terror is that we get the hell out of there and start using our military for better causes. I say we get the hell out of there and start using our resources to help people around the world make it through the present and future problems that are facing the human race. People that actually want our help. People that would maybe even return the favor…

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, KIM!!!!

Those that believe in Global Warming and those that could care less. This video depicts a man last Thursday who scaled the 52-story New York Times building to promote public awareness on the issue. On the 9th floor he displayed a banner that read “Global Warming kills more people than 9/11 every year.” His name is Alain Robert and I’ve got a lot of respect for him. Not just because he wants to address an issue that is important to me, but because he is someone that is so passionate about something that he would go and pull a stunt like this.

Most of us could only dream of developing such a strong passion about changing the world that we were willing to devote our lives (or in this case, risk  our life) to have our voice heard.

I see the way that the Midwest is being affected by Global Warming everyday. The last two summers we have had nearly drought-like conditions. This year we have had flash floods and tornados. The changing ocean temperatures are creating completely unpredictable weather patterns that are getting to the point of devastation. I have done a lot of thinking over the last few years…is Global Warming man made? Can humans really have an impact on our climate? I have gotten to the point where I really don’t know and I really don’t care. What I know is that whether it is a natural climate cycle or it is man made, we are not doing enough as individuals, as a country or even as a world to adapt.

Instead of fighting wars we need to be spending money on developing ways to combat the inevitable changes that are going to occur sooner than later. Instead of drilling for oil we better start scouting and drilling fresh water resevoirs. Instead economic stimulus packages, we had better start giving incentives to people that recycle. We had better start modernizing our energy infrastructure. We had better start teaching third world countries how to grow crops and prevent disease.

I am done arguing the politics of Global Warming and I am done arguing why the hell it is happening. To me, it is now a survival issue. It’s not about the price of gasoline, cable television, food, water and gallons of milk. It’s not about the housing crisis or the Dow Jones dropping. It’s about honey bees dying. It’s about devastating weather. It’s about not having enough trees. It’s about cancer and chronic disease. It’s about the 150,000 and counting deaths that can be traced directly back to the fact that the Earth is warming for WHATEVER FUCKING REASON.

Alain Robert may be a wack job for climbing a 52 story building. I am not going to argue that. Maybe Al Gore and the rest of the environmentalists in the world are wack jobs. Maybe I am a wack job. Maybe I am crazy for wanting a better world for my kids. Maybe I am crazy for thinking that the problem is not to big. Maybe I am crazy for thinking that the world can come together and work on a solution.

But the solution is so simple…visit thesolutionissimple.org

Well, as if the Minnesota Twins couldn’t suck any more than they already do, they had to go and get swept by the White Sox. They lost by a 4-game combined total of 15 points to the White Sox’s 40 points! I hate seeing them lose to the damn Sox, let alone lose 4 games in a row. In fact, I can’t think of many things that I hate seeing more. I have compiled a short list of some things that I would actually rather  see than my Twins sucking this bad. Here they are in no particular order:

1) Roseanne Bar in a ketchup bikini.
2) Marilyn Manson doing a Dwight Yoakam cover.
3) Chris Farley naked in a kiddy pool full of Ramen Noodles.
4) Jaci gaining 65 pounds.
5) My parents making out.
6) Ru Paul in a Victoria’s Secret Commercial.
7) Ball Park Franks Inc. going out of business.
8 ) You Don’t Mess With Zohan winning an Oscar.
9) Poop on the back of the toilet seat.
10) Amy Winehouse as my kids’ kindergarten teacher.
11) Richard Simmons starring in the next Batman movie.

Seriously, I am taking offense to our offense. We gotta pick it up. At least we have the Indians for a series…always an upside, I guess.

Jaci and I have several resident squirrels in my backyard ever since installing the squirrel feeder on the big ol’ Hackberry tree. All I did was screw two 2×4s into an ‘L’ shape and screwed that to the tree trunk. Then I went to Home Depot to get some HUGE nails to impale some corn cobs on. I found some 9 inch ones that were slightly short of railroad ties sitting on a shelf next to the rest of the nails. I asked the kid working there how much they cost, and he looked at me and nearly started hyperventilating. After he came to terms with the fact that his name tag reads “How may I help you” and he couldn’t pretend that he simply hadn’t heard me (being that I nearly shouted the question directly into his ear the third time I asked him), he mumbled something about “…however much it says on the box…”

I informed him that the two nails that I was holding had been separated from the herd.

He blinked at me a couple of times.

I rephrased the statement (for the sake of an obvious lack of neuron responsiveness) and said “They are not in any box. They were just sitting on the shelf. Besides, I only want two. I will pay whatever price you want, just tell me how much they are, buddy!” 

Now, this next part of the story (tangent that I have gotten off on) goes out to anyone who owns stock in Home Depot. The kid told me that he doesn’t care how much the nails cost and that I should just put them in my pocket and walk out the door furthest from the registers.

So I did.

Anyway, in the weeks since building my squirrel feeder I have become very fond of the (only) black squirrel that frequents my backyard buffet. I call him “El Negro.” When I was in elementary school we briefly had a kid in our class from Sudan. Now, if this kid closed his eyes in a dark room, we would seriously forget he was there. I mean this kid was black.

El Negro is so black that he makes the Sudanese kid look like a flourescent light bulb made out of marshmallows. I mean, El Negro is ONE…BLACK…SQUIRREL. Seriously, if Omaha, Nebraska was a Mexican border town and Zorro lived amongst us, he would shit his pants if he saw this squirrel.

Getting back to the point…

El Negro is getting so tame that he peeks around the tree at eye level with me while I am changing the corn cobs on the feeder. I keep talking to him every time I am out there and I try not to make sudden and threatening moves. My goal is to be able to feed him out of my hand at the end of the summer without getting rabies.

Besides having a baby, I don’t know if I can think of a lot of things more painful than this:

My nephew totally dropped a bowling ball on his finger and broke it. But he broke it in half vertically. If you are having a hard time grasping that, think of the letter “Y.” As my mother put it, “Bones came right out of the finger and bled like a son of a gun.”  Yikes!

 He is one tough little man! Definitely didn’t learn that from his uncle!!!

When you go throughout your life - or a good majority of it - believing something that you have always been told is true…and then someone or something goes and makes you challenge your beliefs or seriously makes you consider changing your mind altogether, it kind of sucks. When you develop strong opinions about something that you feel is right, wrong, weird, acceptable, cool, awesome, shitty, stupid, annoying, awkward or just “a given,” and then you come across someone/something that thinks, says or DOES the complete polar opposite, it kind of makes you feel really weird and frustrated. These are not just BuzzKills. These are things that are on a much larger scale - things that could potentially change not only our way of thinking but the entire way we live our lives.

Here are some past examples from my life:

1. Finding out Elton John is gay.
2. Finding out that Santa Claus is not real.
3. Finding out that Ozzie Smith is a dickhead.
4. Finding out that hot dogs have 60 percent of my recommended sodium intake per day and have virtually no nutritional value.
5. Finding out that Jaci sheds 4 1/2 pounds of hair in the shower every day.
6. Figuring out that I am not capable at plumbing of any sort.
7. Finding out that Barbie dolls have no nipples.
8. Assuming that Cristina Ricci could never make a shitty movie because she is just plain TO HOT!!!
9. Finding out that Kirby Puckett was mortal.
10. Finding out that Mickey Mouse is really just some fat guy named Harold in a mouse suit sweating is a** off and hugging (and scaring) little kids for little more than minimum wage.

I was reading one of my favorite personal finance blogs the other day, FRUGAL DAD, and he informed us that he was going on a 30 day binge of drinking strictly water. No other liquids. I was skimming through the comments when I came across one that led me to a website entitled “Not Milk” - www.notmilk.com - a play on words from the famous “got milk?” marketing campaign.

Now, I have grown up in the Midwest and I have always just assumed that drinking milk is a good thing. Drinking milk makes strong little boys. Drinking milk makes strong bones. Drinking milk is an important part of school lunches. Drinking milk at every…single…meal…is just something that all Americans should do in order to be healthy, right?

Not so much…

This website has completely changed my perspective on milk. In particular, THIS ARTICLE within the website. I won’t bore anyone with too many details, but the more you read about cow’s milk, the more disgusting it sounds and the more insane we seem for drinking it as much as we do. Pesticides, Hormones, Lactose, White Blood Cells (Puss), etc. The fact that milk really does NOTHING to prevent osteoporosis when it all comes down to it. The fact that billions of people in the world have never tasted cow’s milk and correlational studies point to them being much healthier because of it. Allergies, Cancer, Kidney Stones, Alzheimer’s and Crohn’s Disease. The list goes on and it scares the buh-JESUS out of me.

The people that market milk are genius. They have done a flawless job in brainwashing the American public into believing that milk is virtually a necessity. This website and article have completely stopped me in my tracks. I found myself staring at the milk with the ‘fridge door hanging wide open tonight. How could this be? Sweet, sweet milk…tell me it isn’t so!

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As if trying to soak in the bad news about one of my all time favorite beverages isn’t hard enough, I also came across some information that I found to be absolutely mind boggling. It concerns electric and gas/electric hybrid cars. I have been under the assumption for quite some time that electric cars or gas/electric cars are the wave of the future. I watched the documentary Who Killed the Electric Car and I immediately became frustrated with the oil companies for “sabotaging” the engineering of the Electric Car in the early nineties.

But then I found this out: If we were to all switch to electric cars today - right at this moment - yes, we would reduce our dependency on foreign oil immensely, but I never really thought about the effect on our nation’s present day power grid. Ever since I started getting interested in politics I have been under the assumption that any kind of energy and transportation that doesn’t have to do with oil has got to be a good thing, right?

Wrong. And that brings us to BussKill #2 of the day: This Article.

The author, Clayton Cornell, points out that a 30 mile commute in a gasoline powered car costs our water supply 18.9 gallons of water (in the refining of the gasoline). The same thirty mile commute in a plug-in-hybrid car would use up to 318 gallons of water! Unbelievable!

Why the big difference???? Power plants are the source of energy for your little hybrid.  The majority of power plants on our grid are either coal or natural gas. Someday we may be able to have power plants running on wind, solar and geo-thermal energy but that is a whole different blog for another day in the far away future. For now we have the more traditional two listed above. The turbines in those power plants are run on steam and the whole plant is cooled using water.

Now, I am absolutely HUGE on water conservation. I predict that future world wars will be fought over water. I predict that the United States will end up centered around the Great Lakes. I predict that water will be more expensive than gasoline one day. I predict that the end of human existence will come because of something directly related to the lack of water. I think it is a huge deal that not many people think or care about in today’s politics.

That is why BuzzKill #2 is so hard to digest. My heart and mind was set on the fact that Gasoline=Bad; Electricity=Good. But with the information about the ridiculous amount of water it takes to run a hybrid car, I find myself forced to partially retract some of my strong opinions. It is frustrating to be so passionate about the environment and feel like you know what is good for it and suddenly realize you have no idea what you are talking about. Seriously, I feel like tomorrow I am going to find out that recycling is horrible for the planet.

Definitely my wife-to-be, Jaci! Why? Because when I came home last night she surprised me with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! The new mutha-effin’ Weezer album! I can’t wait to listen to it all day today and write a review of it. Also, if you are obsessed with viral videos (like myself) and have not seen the new Weezer video for the single Pork and Beans yet, you should check it out.

Hey Andy! You should embed it in your blog with your new YouTube plugin!

OK!

Get ready Nebraska! And for those of you that aren’t from Nebraska, boy do I feel sorry for you! You are missing an extraordinary event…one in which Nebraskans await nearly as anxiously as the opening season of Husker football. Yes indeed, it is wild Asparagus season! People all across the upside-down-pan-shaped state will be scouring the ditches and  railroad tracks in search of the delicacy this week. And in honor of wild Asparagus season, I would like to honor the one thing that makes Asparagus absolutely hilarious: Stinky Pee.

Did you know that your post-Asparagus stinky pee is caused by none other than a chemical called Methanethiol? But don’t be so quick to give Methanethiol such a bad rap! This cousin of sulfur actually helps cleanse your body of toxins. So give it a break!

 Wanna know some other foods that have the stinky substance in them? HO-KAY!!

1) Cheddar Cheese
2) Eggs
3) Cabbage
4) Peanuts
5) Coffee
6) Mushrooms

Don’t bother this year, because wild Asparagus is only in season for another couple of days. But, get your friends together for next year’s wild Asparagus season and don’t miss out on the stinky pee excitement!

I know that God tests us everyday of our lives in different ways. These past couple of days he has really gone over the top!!! I didn’t get sick…ALL…WINTER…LONG. That is pretty good considering I share a floor of an office building with 500 some people and this was an extremely cold and miserable Nebraska winter.

However, the day that it hits 80 degrees for the first time, my ear started to ache. And now it has multiplied exponentially and the crud has completely taken over every membrane, gland and organ in my face, throat and chest. I was sitting at work yesterday and the pins and needles took over my face. You know, when you are freezing and sweating at the same time. I felt like I had something that was a cross between the Black Plague and the Ebola Virus.

Here is what I have been doing to treat the sonuvabitch:

1) Drinking English breakfast tea.
2) Having Jaci scratch my head while I lay in her lap and moan and groan.
3) Using throat numbing spray every 10 minutes.
4) Using nasal spray like a black tar heroin addict.
5) Cleaning my ears out nightly with the baby booger sucker outer thingy.
6) Taking generic Sudafed which works about as well on my cold as tomato juice baths do when you get sprayed by a skunk (and by this I mean it does not work worth a crap).

I refuse to call in sick, though. As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said “I have a dream that one day I will put a sweet down payment on a car with the money I make selling my sick days back to the company…”

The most valuable lesson I ever learned from my Father is that calling in sick is for wussies.