BLOG IN YOUR FACE

I can’t believe I just quoted Oprah Winfrey…

Now that I have managed to get my swearing somewhat under control, I have now begun to do some heavy reflecting on my extreme difficulty (inability, rather) to say what should be one of the most easy words in the English language to say: NO

It has gotten to the point of absurdity. Atrociousness. I simply cannot ever find it in me to say “No” to people. If science ever perfects the art of stem cell growing, the first thing I am signing up for is a back bone. I get walked all over like a doormat because there are many people in my life that are perfectly aware of my condition.

Need some money? Ask Andy.
Need a ride? Ask Andy.
Need some work done for free? Ask Andy.
Need someone to work overtime? Ask Andy.
Are you a struggling salesman? You could sell Andy a ketchup Popsicle if he was wearing a white suit.
Need your husband killed to collect the insurance money? Just ask Andy!!!
Got girl scout cookies you want to sell? Hit up Andy 18 different times!
Have an animal you can’t take care of anymore? Just ask Andy to take it off your hands!

All jokes aside, I really feel like I am struggling with this lately. Where does it stem from? Maybe it came from my childhood which begs the question: Is it more important to teach your kids to be nice and polite all the time or teach them to stick up for themselves? I was obviously not taught the latter very well.

It comes down to three things…actually three personal fears:
1) Fear of somebody becoming angry because of me: I fear conflict and all I want is peace whether it be on a micro-level between two people or on a macro-level in the world as a whole. But when I really think about it, me giving into them so that they don’t get angry is only empowering them! In a way, I am simply training them to treat me this way in the future. They learn that they can get anything from me by threat of anger and conflict and they use it to their advantage!!!
2) Fear of losing a relationship: I’m human…I need friends and people that love me. Sometimes I talk myself into thinking that if I say no to someone, I will lose all or a part of our relationship to one another.
3) Fear of hurting people: A lot of times I will say “Yes” to something because I am afraid to hurt someones feelings. But once again, this is self-destructive. Take Jaci for instance…she can read me like a book. If she asks me to go along somewhere with her and I say “Yes” so that I don’t hurt her feelings, later on she will be able to tell by my not-so-jubilant attitude that I don’t want to be doing what we are doing. This will upset her and hurt her feelings because I did not tell her in the first place. So by not saying “No” in the first place because I feared hurting her feelings, I manage to hurt them anyway which is exactly what I did not want to do. PHEW!

I have decided that it is time for me to start empowering myself with the word “No.” Now that Jaci and I have bought a house and we are getting married, I am officially the man of the house. I am the Alpha male, no question about it. Jaci doesn’t want to be with a sap…with a wuss…she wants someone that will not only protect his own interests but somebody that will stick up for his family, too.

Every day I am going to work on saying “No” to at least one person. Today my Aunt asked if we wanted these two old white leather chairs for our new house. Not only were they not white anymore (they were yellow), but the leather was cracked and torn and hideous. The old Andy (and by old I mean about 3 days ago) would have taken those old chairs off her hands, lugged them home and had nowhere to put these nasty excuses for furniture. I would have beat myself up over it and hated myself for these two new additions to our already ancient furniture (I literally had my diapers changed on our bedroom dresser at one point).

Instead, I told her thanks but no thanks.

You may say “Big Deal.”

Well, it was a HUGE DEAL. It felt good. It wasn’t that bad. In fact, I want to do it again. I’m not saying that I want to lose my God-given compassion and empathy for others. I just want to gain a little self-respect that I think is long overdue.