I was talking to this lady today about parking in downtown Omaha. She parks in the parking ramp that is connected to the tunnel at work and pays $110 dollars a month for a spot there. For an 8 x 12 parking spot!!! I, on the other hand, park about 8 blocks away on a 10 hour parking meter which costs me 75 cents a day. So, for a month, that’s roughly $15.75.
She just couldn’t get over how insane I was to park that far away. She just could not fathom why I would not buy a parking pass. For me the answer is simple and it is a two part answer: One, because it saves me $94.25 cents a month and two, I really don’t mind the walk. In fact, it only takes me about 8 minutes.
How insane am I??? Lets assume the parking prices never change for the next 35 years of my employment. Lets assume that I were to put that $94.25 into a high interest savings account like an ORANGE ONLINE SAVINGS ACCOUNT from INGDirect. Lets assume that the interest rate on that account will be 3% for the next 35 years, even though 6 months ago it was at almost 5% and I have seen it even higher. So if I put in the $1,131 that I save a year by parking at the parking meter, in 35 years I would have…
$70,434.09
So if you have areas in your life where you cut corners to save money and people make fun of you for being frugal, remind those people of the power of compound interest.
You can check out the official Centennial Bulb website here.
I was working outside in the backyard the other day when I thought about this little story about weeds:
“The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a man who sowed good seed in his field. While everyone was asleep his enemy came and sowed weeds all through the wheat, and then went off. When the crop grew and bore fruit, the weeds appeared as well. The slaves of the householder came to him and said, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where have the weeds come from?’ He answered, ‘An enemy has done this’. His slaves said to him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’ He replied, ‘No, if you pull up the weeds you might uproot the wheat along with them. Let them grow together until harvest, then at harvest time I will say to the harvesters, “First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles for burning, but gather the wheat unto my barn.” ‘ ”
Some of us might be good seeds and blossom into wheat despite all of the “weeds” around us. Some of us might actually be the weeds in the field. Consider your life in this world as one growing season in the whole scheme of things. You have until “harvest” time to get your act together. When that day comes will you be harvested and brought into the barn or burned by the “farmer?”
Give it some thought, eh?
I attended a funeral lately for my uncle’s best friend Sam. He died at the ripe age of 48 from a blood clot that went to his heart like KER-BLAM! He was fine one second and then got to feeling kind of sick, and less than an hour later he was with God. Let me tell you what, when I go, I hope it is as quickly as Sam. I don’t want anything long and drawn out. But, anyway, that’s not my point…
What got me thinking was his actual funeral ceremony. Talk about a celebration of life! Here are some of the details in a list…because, well…I like to make lists:
1) Sam wore shorts 365 days a year. No matter what the weather was, he would never put pants on. His legs were literally immune to the Nebraska winters. So, his pallbearers all wore shorts and t-shirts instead of formal-wear of any kind. My uncle was wearing jean shorts and a Bob Segar T-shirt, while another guy was wearing some hideous Hawaiian shorts with a Styx T-shirt.
2) Speaking of Styx, they read the lyrics of “Come Sail Away” instead of any generic and dime-a-dozen bible verse.
3) The minister compared life to a dart game. Sam loved darts. If Sam and I were a carnival act, I would trust him to tie me to a wall and throw darts at an apple on my head without thinking twice.
4) Sam totally loved his nieces and they talked about how he would kiss them with “Raspberry Kisses” or, in other words, make farting noises against their cheeks.
5) A common phrase that could be heard by everyone speaking at the funeral was “This Sucks Rocks.” Sam has been saying that for years and years and years.
6) Sam loved to eat…he definitely didn’t enjoy delaying that pleasure in the slightest. They talked about how his favorite prayer was short and sweet: “Rub-a-dub dub, thanks for the grub…YAY GOD!”
7) And the coolest part of all was honoring Sam’s love for fireworks. As they carried the casket out of the church, people threw black cats around it. Also, at the end of the burial service at the cemetery there was an ear-shattering fireworks display that gave me an “inbetweener.” For those of you that don’t know what an “inbetweener” is, it’s one of those emotions that is unlike any other. It’s when you are in between being mad and happy, or mad and sad. Or in my case, when they set off those fireworks, I laughed hysterically while crying and blubbering like I haven’t in a long time.
The whole thing got me thinking about MY funeral. I hope that my pallbearers will wear grass stained jeans with Minnesota Vikings T-shirts or Iowa Hawkeye hooded sweatshirts. I hope that my dog will be at my funeral in Jaci’s lap. I hope they use the phrase “Holy Mother-Effing Crap” to remember me. I hope that they eat hot dogs after the funeral in remembrance of me. I hope someone sings Bob Dylan’s Blowin’ in the Wind at my service. I hope they tell stories about me in college. I hope they remember the silly drunken times I’ve had. I hope they recall the time I sang that Whitney Houston song from The Bodyguard at the karaoke bar and MURDERED it! I hope my favorite (only) nephew gets told that he has a brand spankin’ new guardian angel.
Everyone has been to funerals. Maybe not everyone has been to a celebration of life like this one was. It really opens your eyes about how you want to be remembered and how you hope people will celebrate your life on the day that you meet your maker.
So, I thought I would throw my hat in for this sweet little website. Jaci and I weren’t really thrilled about picking just one or two spots to register at for our wedding. And I was not exactly ecstatic about walking around with a little scanner thing all flippin’ day picking out what we want for presents.
Then we stumbled across MyRegistry.com which is totally what we were looking for and what we are going to utilize for our wedding to avoid some hassle and to personalize our gift registry. Also, by using MyRegistry we will pretty much get EXACTLY what we want. Here is how it works:
1. When you mail out your invitations you make sure to add the link to the MyRegistry website along with a personal pass code for folks in your wedding.
2. Then you and your groom/bride-to-be go on the page and you can find pictures of things that you want (or links to certain websites with that item) and put them on your page. You can add little notes…for example, Jaci and I are crazy about Disc Golf. So we put a picture of a disc on our registry and added a note that says “Disc golf is a very fun activity and much more environmentally friendly than regular golf. Jaci and I need some new discs because our current discs have hit their fair share of trees! You can find these discs for around 7 to 15 dollars. We prefer Innova brand. Thanks!”
3. Then your guests go on your registry page and when they find what they would like to purchase for you as a gift, they click on the picture. They have a variety of options: MyRegistry searches for the best deals across the Internet if they would like to purchase the item online. It also searches for any online coupons that your guest can print off. Then your guest can notate if they would like to purchase that item online or they can check the box that says they bought the item at a store and it disappears from your online registry!
4. Guests can also contribute money to larger items such as a furniture set.
Best of all, the service is completely free! If you are thinking about getting married, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend MyRegistry. It’s the greatest thing since Democrats in the White House!
Trent at The Simple Dollar wrote a great article in his weekly mailbag that I feel pretty much sums up my thoughts on the oil companies. Here is an excerpt:
“The solution is to put that support infrastructure in place right now. If you want to break up dependence on oil, look at individual consumer and political action. Buy highly fuel-efficient cars, or even look at all-electric options (yes, there are some). Use public transportation. Work politically to get people elected that will encourage such things - yes, even going so far as to support the Green Party, if need be. Don’t just focus on the presidential race, either - focus on the local race for Congress in your area and also for the state legislature. Who are the candidates and where do they stand on those issues? Work to support the greenest candidates by putting up signs and telling your neighbors. In other words, fight oil dependence at the revenue level, not at the profit level, while building a different transportation infrastructure.
I’m very serious about this. In fact, I’m strongly considering buying a Tesla Whitestar for our next car for most of our driving needs, even at the relatively high cost. Over a reasonable lifetime, no gas cost is potentially huge savings, as is the vastly reduced maintenance costs of having minimal moving parts in a vehicle. Pushing that curve is something that can bring about big change. If five million American families did that instead of griping about gas prices, profound changes would begin occurring very rapidly, as competitors would jump in and drive the price down, making electric cars compete in price with gas cars. When that happens, electric cars win in a landslide.”
We don’t have to go to extremes to bring down the price of oil. But if every American just did a little something…ANYTHING…like carpool, buy smaller cars, turn off lights and unused appliances, buy electric cars or small gas powered scooters, ride the bus, run, walk, blah blah blah BLAHHHHHH…
I still say we don’t need to drill for oil. But what do I know…I’m just a hippie environmentalist, that’s all.
Little guy has some moves, huh?
It is a very simple concept. Chris has a small ball taped up underneath his armpit with athletic tape. All he does is squeeze his arm against his body when he is ready and he cuts off that artery and WHAM! There goes his pulse!!!
You can do the same thing at home. Put a golf ball or a ping pong ball under your armpit and bet somebody five dollars (preferably a registered nurse or doctor for the best effect) that you can stop your pulse! Works every single time!
Lets face it…I know about as much about cars as Hitler knew about compassion. I would probably have a tough time differentiating between a monster truck and a Gremlin let alone an oil filter and an air filter. My Dad never taught me a single thing about cars growing up. In fact, he rented three garages out to a race car driver for free as long as he(his name was Bill) would work on my Dad’s car when it needed it. My Dad never got his hands dirty, or replaced a single Jimmy-Rod-Do-Hickey on any of his cars and certainly didn’t teach me how to.
So, needless to say I am a sucker for unnecessary work that “needs” to be done on my car. In fact, not only am I a sucker, I have at times been a downright VICTIM!
For the longest time I would take my car to a franchise place called “BrakeMasters” when it needed an oil change, inspection and what-not. The last time I went there in January they told me (like so many times before) that I needed a whole bunch of things done to my truck in order for it to be ready for the Spring:
Oil Change: $20
Brake Fluid Flush??? $39
Brake Pad Cleaning??? $20
Exhaust Inspection??? $39
I was also informed that I would need new brake pads by the end of the year.
I will finish this part of the story in a second.
Now, my girlfriend’s “Low Coolant” light had been coming on periodically around the same time. So, she took her car to BrakeMasters with me then. They informed her that the cause was…
At this point they started using some technical jargon that I am convinced was meant to confuse and scare us into thinking there was a major problem…the only word I recognized was “Manifold” and I think the rest might as well have been in Russian. I almost immediately lost interest in what they were talking about and began thinking about how bad I wanted to go to Sonic and get a cheeseburger and a Cherry-LimeAid…
Anyway, it was something that was going to cost Jaci 650 dollars to fix. My truck was going to cost me $118 plus tax. We decided to check out a few more places for estimates and I darted for the door of BrakeMasters before they could get another word in. After we hightailed it out of that joint, Jaci told me about a tiny little garage on a crappy little service road behind her apartment. We decided it couldn’t hurt to check them out since they were so close to her place at the time. Come to find out it was owned by a couple of young guys named Ted and Jason and they were the only two that worked on cars there, unlike BrakeMasters who have like a buh-GILLION employees and really pushy managers and sales people.
Long story short, Jason and Ted fixed Jaci’s car for like 100 bucks less than BrakeMasters was going to charge and he explained to Jaci in clear terms that she could understand just WHAT the exact problem was with her car. He even used a visual aid, if you count a visual aid as him interlocking his greasy fingers to represent the engine and manifold or whatever it was. Once again I wasn’t really listening because I was thinking about the scene in the movie Wayne’s World when Garth accidentally scratches the entire side of some guy’s car with a rivet gun while messing around in Phil’s Auto Body Shop.
Anyway, Ted and Jason were great to us. So, needless to say I decided to take my truck in there for an oil change on a Thursday morning. I dropped it off and walked about a mile to the Border’s bookstore down the road. Jason called soon after and told me imy truck was done. I told him I would be there in about 20 minutes because I needed to walk back his way. He actually said “No” and insisted on coming to pick me up in his truck….and he did.
On the ride back to the shop the conversation went something like this:
Me: So how much do you charge for a brake fluid flush? BrakeMasters says I need one.
Jason: My truck has almost 300,000 miles on it. I have never-EVER flushed the brake fluid. It is not necessary.
Me: OK…well they told me I need the brake pads cleaned, too.
Jason: Just get some tire and rim cleaner and clean the brake dust off the inside of your rims if it bugs you. If it doesn’t bug you, DON’T! Cleaning your brake pads is not necessary. They will just get dirty again. They are right behind your tire and only a foot above the road. Plus, they grind against metal all day. They are suppose to get dirty.
Me: So do I need an exhaust inspection, then?
Jason: Looked OK to me from what I saw while I was under there.
Me: And will I need new brakes soon? That’s what…
Jason: That’s what BrakeMasters told you? No, you have 50 percent or more of your brake pad left. You are not even close to needing new brakes. See, BrakeMasters works on commission. They will try to sell you services you don’t need in order to make money. Ted and I work for reputation. We aren’t a franchise so we don’t have much to back us up but our work. What I am telling you is that all you need today is a 24 dollar oil change and I hope you appreciate that enough to come back next time and maybe tell a friend or two.
So there you have it. My story ends there, but it has just begun. I am never going back to the Chevrolet dealer, or any large auto-care franchises like BrakeMasters or JiffyLube. I’m sticking with two greasy, dirty mechanics that own a shabby and somewhat run down auto shop. Why? Its simple…TRUST. Plus, I think its good for America. I think that Americans SHOULD spend their money at locations and retailers that they can honestly say that they know and trust. I think that wherever possible, we should try to do business with a handshake and on a first name basis.
Some people argue that America is built on capitalism. They might say that we wouldn’t be where we are today without Wal-Mart, Home Depot, McDonalds and Starbuck’s. But to me, what I think is the heart and soul of America…the bread and butter of our country…is the honesty and integrity that you get out of places like Ted and Jason’s Complete Auto Repair in Papillion, NE. Or that Ma and Pa grocery store that refuses to go out of business despite the big box stores sprouting up around it. Or the pharmacy down the street that still has the same cash register that they had in 1960.
It isn’t the suit and ties that make America strong. Its the grease under people like Jason and Ted’s fingernails. I encourage you to spend your economic stimulus money locally in your community. Gonna buy a new lawn mower? Why not buy it and Joe Blow’s hardware store instead of Home Depot this time? Why not go to Sally’s Bakery on the corner and buy your office two dozen doughnuts. Need some work done on your car? Why not go check out your local grease monkey auto shop. I did…it saved me money and everything about it felt great.
Jaci made this stuff the other day and it was INCREDIBLE.
Now, I understand that not everyone is as big of a fan of left overs as I am. I can eat the same meal at least once a day for days or even weeks at a time if necessary. For example, I have eaten at least one hot dog per day EVERY…SINGLE…DAY for the better part of the last year.
Jaci and I made this Cavatini over a week ago and we still have some left in the freezer that we froze in individual Tupperware containers so that I can just throw them in my lunch box on the way to work and nuke them. The recipe makes such a big batch that each serving comes out to cost about a dollar. I do the same thing with lasagna, tuna casserole, roasts, goulash, Sloppy Joe’s etc. I just make a sh**load of the stuff and eat it for days and days and days. But again, I don’t mind leftovers. So if you are making Cavatini, be prepared for it to feed A LOT of people. Here’s how ya do it…
1) Boil a bunch of shell pasta.
2) While that’s boiling, brown some hamburger and season it with taco seasoning. Seriously.
3) Mix the hamburger and pasta and add as much spaghetti sauce as you want. Put it in a 9 x 13 or 11 x 13 pan. Put a whole bunch of shredded mozzarella cheese on top. I mean, completely cover it.
4) Put some tin foil on top and bake at 350 degrees for 20 or 30 minutes until the cheese is melted and the sauce thickens and gets a little bubbly.
There you have it. A simple and spicy pasta bake. Man, this stuff is good.
One of my favorite shows of all time was Cheers. My future mother-in-law reminded me of a classic scene from the show, in which Cliff shared some infinite wisdom with Norm.
“Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
It doesn’t get any funnier than that. Period.
The Minnesota Twins have won 5 out of their last 7 games and have somehow managed by God’s good grace to get themselves into first place in the American League Central. Granted, they are only up by one game (and it probably won’t last long) but STILL!!! The Minnesota Twins are in FIRST PLACE!! If this can hold up until tomorrow night, I will definitely be drinking and toasting to it.
And, if you haven’t already heard…or maybe you just plain don’t give two Henrys about the Twins…but Carlos Gomez hit for the cycle against the White Sox on Wednesday night. If you aren’t familiar, this is when a player gets every single type of hit in one game. One single, one double, one triple and a home run. Four amazing things about Gomez doing it the other night?
1) He’s a ROOKIE (22 years old)
2) The night before the Twins only have 1 HIT in the entire game..as a TEAM!
3) He hit for the cycle BACKWARDS meaning he hit the homer first, the triple second and so on…
4) The last Twins player to hit for the cycle was none other than Kirby Puckett…good ol’ Kirby may he rest in peace. When did Kirby do it? All the way back in 1986.
I was reading MSN and came across an articleabout the 10 worst franchises in pro sports. The particular article mentioned the Twins as one of them. Evidently this Jack-Ass hasn’t checked the standings lately. What a moron…
No, seriously…if you haven’t tried it already, put your thumb on the area from between your eyes to the tip of your nose. It is the same length! Sweet! Here are some other pretty awesome Human Body facts.
-Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.
-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the
male sperm.
-You use 200 muscles to take one step.
-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia
Britannica.
-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver
than men with hair.
-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
-There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water
to a boil.
-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
I can’t believe I just quoted Oprah Winfrey…
Now that I have managed to get my swearing somewhat under control, I have now begun to do some heavy reflecting on my extreme difficulty (inability, rather) to say what should be one of the most easy words in the English language to say: NO
It has gotten to the point of absurdity. Atrociousness. I simply cannot ever find it in me to say “No” to people. If science ever perfects the art of stem cell growing, the first thing I am signing up for is a back bone. I get walked all over like a doormat because there are many people in my life that are perfectly aware of my condition.
Need some money? Ask Andy.
Need a ride? Ask Andy.
Need some work done for free? Ask Andy.
Need someone to work overtime? Ask Andy.
Are you a struggling salesman? You could sell Andy a ketchup Popsicle if he was wearing a white suit.
Need your husband killed to collect the insurance money? Just ask Andy!!!
Got girl scout cookies you want to sell? Hit up Andy 18 different times!
Have an animal you can’t take care of anymore? Just ask Andy to take it off your hands!
All jokes aside, I really feel like I am struggling with this lately. Where does it stem from? Maybe it came from my childhood which begs the question: Is it more important to teach your kids to be nice and polite all the time or teach them to stick up for themselves? I was obviously not taught the latter very well.
It comes down to three things…actually three personal fears:
1) Fear of somebody becoming angry because of me: I fear conflict and all I want is peace whether it be on a micro-level between two people or on a macro-level in the world as a whole. But when I really think about it, me giving into them so that they don’t get angry is only empowering them! In a way, I am simply training them to treat me this way in the future. They learn that they can get anything from me by threat of anger and conflict and they use it to their advantage!!!
2) Fear of losing a relationship: I’m human…I need friends and people that love me. Sometimes I talk myself into thinking that if I say no to someone, I will lose all or a part of our relationship to one another.
3) Fear of hurting people: A lot of times I will say “Yes” to something because I am afraid to hurt someones feelings. But once again, this is self-destructive. Take Jaci for instance…she can read me like a book. If she asks me to go along somewhere with her and I say “Yes” so that I don’t hurt her feelings, later on she will be able to tell by my not-so-jubilant attitude that I don’t want to be doing what we are doing. This will upset her and hurt her feelings because I did not tell her in the first place. So by not saying “No” in the first place because I feared hurting her feelings, I manage to hurt them anyway which is exactly what I did not want to do. PHEW!
I have decided that it is time for me to start empowering myself with the word “No.” Now that Jaci and I have bought a house and we are getting married, I am officially the man of the house. I am the Alpha male, no question about it. Jaci doesn’t want to be with a sap…with a wuss…she wants someone that will not only protect his own interests but somebody that will stick up for his family, too.
Every day I am going to work on saying “No” to at least one person. Today my Aunt asked if we wanted these two old white leather chairs for our new house. Not only were they not white anymore (they were yellow), but the leather was cracked and torn and hideous. The old Andy (and by old I mean about 3 days ago) would have taken those old chairs off her hands, lugged them home and had nowhere to put these nasty excuses for furniture. I would have beat myself up over it and hated myself for these two new additions to our already ancient furniture (I literally had my diapers changed on our bedroom dresser at one point).
Instead, I told her thanks but no thanks.
You may say “Big Deal.”
Well, it was a HUGE DEAL. It felt good. It wasn’t that bad. In fact, I want to do it again. I’m not saying that I want to lose my God-given compassion and empathy for others. I just want to gain a little self-respect that I think is long overdue.
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